You are a real jeeper if....

[miljeep]

I found this online. Enjoy.


A new dent in the sheet metal actually fixed another dent, or it just added some character.
You know at least 3 800 numbers to aftermarket off-road business by heart.
You are on a first name basis with the guys at every local auto parts store in town.
You want to take things apart and rebuild them, even if they are not broken.
You have a monetary equivalent of a Mercedes Sedan invested into your jeep, but it still looks like crap.
You consider starting a vehicle five times in any given minute routine.
You own a vehicle, which now weighs 1000 pounds more than when it came off the showroom floor.
You look for jeeps in everything, and try to figure out the year and model.
You are the type of person who immediately goes postal if you sit in a highway traffic jam more than 5 minutes, yet you can spend six hours driving one and half miles and consider it to be a form of relaxation.
You'll stop and look at any old rust heap thinking parts vehicle.
Your Jeep has more (farm/boat/military/other) equipment on it than OEM parts.
The weatherman says "Stay in, it's dangerous" and you think "Time to go wheeling".
You are happy that you can't use 1st gear on the street.
A military convoy passes by and you only look at the axles, tires, and antennas.
You have enough straps, chains, rope, etc. in your Jeep to keep the Queen Mary docked during a hurricane.
You understand that JEEP is a way of life, not just for transportation.
You use a hose to clean the inside and the outside.
A low-rider Jeep pulls up next to you, and you get out and Bitch slap the driver.
You have a high-water mark on the Inside of the Jeep.
You use a ice scraper on the Inside of the windshield.
The AAA guy breaks down, you stop and fix his problem and get back on the road.
You'll drive 2 days at 600 miles a day so you can spend 2 more days driving 3 miles per day.
You have more pictures of your Jeep than of your kids.
You spend more time deciding which $3.00 bushing to use than you do on personal hygiene.
You take your date home early on a Saturday night so you can work on your Jeep.
You call a scratch or dent, a beauty mark.
You roll it over and don't get upset.
You puke when you see a RAV-4.
You pull into the Unplowed parking spots on snowy days.
You take your friends wheeling and they say, "Trail?; I don't see any trail!"
You've been forced to add CJ, YJ, and TJ to your spell checker.
It rains and you don't care if your top and doors are on or off.
You change your plugs in the parking lot at work while on break.
You get more heat through the holes in the floor than you do through the heat vent.
Every page of your repair manual has greasy finger prints on it.
Every car wash in town has banned you for life.
You feel sorry for someone in a $60,000 Toyota Land Cruiser.
You are the only one on the street that doesn't plow their driveway.
You carry along enough tools to supply a small garage.
You nickname your Jeep after i.e.. the noise it makes, the last screw up on the trail, etc.
You can air up your tires without stopping at a gas station.
You carry more extra fuel than what most of today's cars hold in their gas tanks.
You're constantly getting passed on the highway.
When rendezvousing with a lady for the first time, you tell her that you're the one that smells like a Jeep.
Winter comes and you can't remember where you put the top.
Your wallet is always empty.
You know how to reinforce the windshield frame near the wiper arm.
You carry along a replacement part for every driveline component on the Jeep.
You slam your door and pieces of mud or rust fall from your Jeep.
You have to let the air out of your tires to get the Jeep into a garage.
Your parts department is on blocks behind your house.
Passengers scream "Don't Roll It!" when you take them wheeling.
Your wife/girlfriend refuses to get in it.
You think any tire that isn't waist high looks like a bagel.
You can't take a girl in a dress on a date without carrying along some steps.
You can't sneak into church late because the engine is too loud.
You get custom pin striping from trail brush.
You are outlawed at every car wash in town.
You can see OVER a Suburban
You're sitting here reading this while your wife/husband is waiting for you in bed.

[muddyluxury]

I found this online. Enjoy.
Should not be read in the presence of liquid or food!!

A new dent in the sheet metal actually fixed another dent, or it just added some character.
You know at least 3 800 numbers to aftermarket off-road business by heart.
You are on a first name basis with the guys at every local auto parts store in town.
You want to take things apart and rebuild them, even if they are not broken.
You have a monetary equivalent of a Mercedes Sedan invested into your jeep, but it still looks like crap.
You consider starting a vehicle five times in any given minute routine.
You own a vehicle, which now weighs 1000 pounds more than when it came off the showroom floor.
You look for jeeps in everything, and try to figure out the year and model.
You are the type of person who immediately goes postal if you sit in a highway traffic jam more than 5 minutes, yet you can spend six hours driving one and half miles and consider it to be a form of relaxation.
You'll stop and look at any old rust heap thinking parts vehicle.
Your Jeep has more (farm/boat/military/other) equipment on it than OEM parts.
The weatherman says "Stay in, it's dangerous" and you think "Time to go wheeling".
You are happy that you can't use 1st gear on the street.
A military convoy passes by and you only look at the axles, tires, and antennas.
You have enough straps, chains, rope, etc. in your Jeep to keep the Queen Mary docked during a hurricane.
You understand that JEEP is a way of life, not just for transportation.
You use a hose to clean the inside and the outside.
A low-rider Jeep pulls up next to you, and you get out and Bitch slap the driver.
You have a high-water mark on the Inside of the Jeep.
You use a ice scraper on the Inside of the windshield.
The AAA guy breaks down, you stop and fix his problem and get back on the road.
You'll drive 2 days at 600 miles a day so you can spend 2 more days driving 3 miles per day.
You have more pictures of your Jeep than of your kids.
You spend more time deciding which $3.00 bushing to use than you do on personal hygiene.
You take your date home early on a Saturday night so you can work on your Jeep.
You call a scratch or dent, a beauty mark.
You roll it over and don't get upset.
You puke when you see a RAV-4.
You pull into the Unplowed parking spots on snowy days.
You take your friends wheeling and they say, "Trail?; I don't see any trail!"
You've been forced to add CJ, YJ, and TJ to your spell checker.
It rains and you don't care if your top and doors are on or off.
You change your plugs in the parking lot at work while on break.
You get more heat through the holes in the floor than you do through the heat vent.
Every page of your repair manual has greasy finger prints on it.
Every car wash in town has banned you for life.
You feel sorry for someone in a $60,000 Toyota Land Cruiser.
You are the only one on the street that doesn't plow their driveway.
You carry along enough tools to supply a small garage.
You nickname your Jeep after i.e.. the noise it makes, the last screw up on the trail, etc.
You can air up your tires without stopping at a gas station.
You carry more extra fuel than what most of today's cars hold in their gas tanks.
You're constantly getting passed on the highway.
When rendezvousing with a lady for the first time, you tell her that you're the one that smells like a Jeep.
Winter comes and you can't remember where you put the top.
Your wallet is always empty.
You know how to reinforce the windshield frame near the wiper arm.
You carry along a replacement part for every driveline component on the Jeep.
You slam your door and pieces of mud or rust fall from your Jeep.
You have to let the air out of your tires to get the Jeep into a garage.
Your parts department is on blocks behind your house.
Passengers scream "Don't Roll It!" when you take them wheeling.
Your wife/girlfriend refuses to get in it.
You think any tire that isn't waist high looks like a bagel.
You can't take a girl in a dress on a date without carrying along some steps.
You can't sneak into church late because the engine is too loud.
You get custom pin striping from trail brush.
You are outlawed at every car wash in town.
You can see OVER a Suburban
You're sitting here reading this while your wife/husband is waiting for you in bed.
Ryan, fixed it for ya

[korisu56]

What is it with you and spitting shit all over the place? You should really get that looked at :)

[ArmyFSJ]

Alot of people here have that problem with liquids maybe its a military thing?

[Tollas3]

HAHAH I like it.

[Deathcow]

61. People ask you how to get in it.

Grab the oh shit handle and step on the rocker :)

[coastiejeeper]

What is it with you and spitting shit all over the place? You should really get that looked at :)


thought the same thing when i read it

[sincitycj]

62. You see some ricer and the first thing you think of his flexin' on his hood.

[BESRK]

... you've got at least $2000 worth of parts scattered about your kitchen and dining room.

... the kitchen table makes a good axle stand for your front D44.

[Nick]

.........you know how to do a self recovery with a jack(high lift) and some rope

.........you stop and talk to perfect stangers because he has a mod that caught your eye

[jeepfever]

........ you don't mind when perfect strangers stop and talk to you about your ride when you would otherwise be left alone.

......... you choose to buy parts instead of taking the family on a vacation.

......... there are parts catalogs in every room of the house.

......... you evaluate every spare part that you run across, irregardless of the manufacturer, and debate whether or not there's any use you could possibly get out of it if you attach it somewhere on your Jeep.

........ you have to have a welder to satisfy your projects.

[coastiejeeper]

..................(cjs and yjs) you have more parts inside the jeep to go on it it, then actually on your jeep..(or maybe i am he only one)lol

....................your hearing is going due to the soft top constantly flapping, or wind constanly whipping in your ear while you drive.

....................best mod is a blanket for the back seat riders.

[theyeti1775]

When within 10 minutes of a phone call, you will have it posted across 20 message boards you need a recovery or a trailer pick up for your rig......
As well as 40 offers of help.

[theyeti1775]

You search Craigslist daily for Jeep Parts even ones you don't need/won't fit your Jeep just on the oft chance you notice something someone posted in the Wanted Section.......


You willingly volunteer for A-Driver on a maiden Jeepspeed Test Run (before the vehicle is even bought), knowing full well the driver is already talking about highspeed turning using trees as bump stops.

[miljeep]

You willingly volunteer for A-Driver on a maiden Jeepspeed Test Run (before the vehicle is even bought), knowing full well the driver is already talking about highspeed turning using trees as bump stops.

your a braver man that I.

[theyeti1775]

You know your a Jeeper when you laugh that you sheared off an LCA Axle Mount, and don't bat an eye at the words 'Trail Fix'.

[trailsnail]

When you aren't afraid to use vice grips on anything and think of different ways to hold things together with them so you can get home, and you use 100 mph tape so they don't open and 550 cord as a lanyard.

[HillBillE]

59 You can see OVER a Suburban

I noticed today, I actually CAN see over a burb!:D

[jeepfever]

When you aren't afraid to use vice grips on anything and think of different ways to hold things together with them so you can get home, and you use 100 mph tape so they don't open and 550 cord as a lanyard.

I like this one! 100 mph tape, 550, and vice grips are a must have for all tool boxes.

My father-in-law drove home with vice grips for a steering wheel one time when the wheel came off in his hands while driving his son's Jeep. He pissed all over himself. He didn't miss a lick, though. That wet spot on the front of his pants didn't bother him one bit as he walked through the grocery store where his son worked just so he could throw the steering wheel at him in front of EVERYBODY. He told him "this is all that's left of that POS that you call a ride!" He turned around and held his head high as he stolled right out the front doors.

[Deathcow]

I like this one! 100 mph tape, 550, and vice grips are a must have for all tool boxes.

My father-in-law drove home with vice grips for a steering wheel one time when the wheel came off in his hands while driving his son's Jeep. He pissed all over himself. He didn't miss a lick, though. That wet spot on the front of his pants didn't bother him one bit as he walked through the grocery store where his son worked just so he could throw the steering wheel at him in front of EVERYBODY. He told him "this is all that's left of that POS that you call a ride!" He turned around and held his head high as he stolled right out the front doors.

With a story like that, I bet he was driving home from WW2 after killing a hundred nazis with a coat hanger he found after escaping from a death camp when it happened. Not saying I don't believe it, its a little over the top and I like it.

[jeepfever]

With a story like that, I bet he was driving home from WW2 after killing a hundred nazis with a coat hanger he found after escaping from a death camp when it happened. Not saying I don't believe it, its a little over the top and I like it.
Nah, he was 4F - couldn't read a lick, and the Army just couldn't find a use for him. He was worse than many cajuns I've met, too. You couldn't understand most of what he said because of a heavy southern drawl and the fact that he was educated by people just like himself. He made it to the 3rd grade but didn't finish. This guy was a hillbilly from way, way up in the mountains of North Carolina. He made his living making moonshine. My wife grew up in a 100 year old raggety house that didn't have indoor plumbing until she was a senior in HS in 1984. I promise you, Macgyver didn't have s*** on her dad or the rest of her people. They're just poor mountain folk that to this day rely on their inginuity in order to survive, and they'd do anything in the world for you - just don't ever cross one of them. They stick together. It might be surprising to you, but there are some people that still live like this in America.

Unfortunately the steering wheel thing is a true story. I have many more, but I think I'll save them for a book about them.

To the original poster, I'm sorry for hijacking your thread.

[Castr8r]

Well, I got throwed out of a carwash and told not to come back. And I named my Jeep "Sphincter Shrinker" after the most recent episode of vinyl tastin' fun.
...bodywork involves a sledgehammer, a comealong, a winch, and a tree.

I need a wench to work my winch...

[E5EDDIE]

-you have more Jeep catalogs than porn...

[HillBillE]

-you have more Jeep catalogs than porn...

Your wife calls your Jeep catalogs porn.:beer:

[USMCHarleyJeepGuy]

Your wife/girlfriend refers to your jeep as the "other woman"

[georgia]

When your the wife and have your own jeep.

[theyeti1775]

When your the wife and have your own jeep.
Cause it's easier to buy her a Jeep then to hear her say you never let me drive it.:D

[USMCHarleyJeepGuy]

You know you are a real jeeper when the weather and/or your mood determine WHICH of your jeeps you are going to drive on any given day.

[theyeti1775]

You know your a real Jeeper when there are more Jeeps at your house than people.

[94GC52]

...when its easier to just wear extra clothes in the winter than to buy an aftermarket soft top that wont fit.
...when clear plastic packing tape is the best fix for soft top windows.
...when a lawnmower throttle control become your version of a on command front locker (YJ owners you know you've done it or seen it)

[korisu56]

I haven't seen that and I'm interested.

[94GC52]

I haven't seen that and I'm interested.


I assume you mean the front axle disconnect? Here's a link to the one I did on my Yj a few years ago. Worked great and didnt break the bank like a posilock from qtec or 4wd.

http://home.earthlink.net/~stevenschreiber/jeep/tech/cabledis.htm

[korisu56]

That's pretty innovative. I like it.

[E5EDDIE]

Your wife calls your Jeep catalogs porn.:beer:
Solid adjustment on my post HillBillie, too true, rock on brother:beer:

[georgia]

Hmmm.....can i do that to my YJ?

[94GC52]

Hmmm.....can i do that to my YJ?

It works on every YJ, I did it to mine cuz the vacuum assist on my front axle went to the dogs, so it was the only way i could have 4wd. I do know many a YJ owner that did it just for having 2lo

[HillBillE]

It works on every YJ, I did it to mine cuz the vacuum assist on my front axle went to the dogs, so it was the only way i could have 4wd. I do know many a YJ owner that did it just for having 2lo

I'm going to try it on my '95 Dodge 2500. Same set up as the Jeep. May need a heavier cable for the Dana 60, but it's worth a try. Which brings me around to the current topic...

You may be a Jeeper if..........

You constantly picture Jeep mods on non Jeep vehicles.

(My wife said "NO" to putting a lift in her Saturn Vue.....it is 4 wheel drive:rolleyes:

[vegasjeepguy]

your girl says "you love your Jeep more than you love me"...and you don't deny it.

[enil01]

I assume you mean the front axle disconnect? Here's a link to the one I did on my Yj a few years ago. Worked great and didnt break the bank like a posilock from qtec or 4wd.

http://home.earthlink.net/~stevenschreiber/jeep/tech/cabledis.htm

I've been looking for that write up for weeks on JF.