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Thread: Craigslist Ad - MUST READ!

  1. #1
    Still Growing Too! Big Green's Avatar
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    Talking Craigslist Ad - MUST READ!

    Copied from JF, originally posted on CL in Wilmington, NC.




    "I should start by saying that if you are looking for a “Pajama party Barbie Jeep” you my friend, should keep looking. If you are looking for a short description of to the beast before you, I can offer you two words “MEAT & POTATOES”. This is the All American chariot of the free world.

    I won rights to find this Jeep from Indiana Jones, Chuck Norris, and Bear Grylls in a poker game in Monte Carlo. I went all in with my life as collateral and won a map to the prized treasure on a bluff. The map lead me across all 7 continents until I found it’s hiding place, a giant mine shaft 5 miles north of Hell itself. Armed with a pick ax and six pack of beer I dug this jeep out of the darkness, it was buried under 70 tons of granite. When Satan tried to stop me, I dropped the hammer in my new beast, ran his red *** over, stole his girl, and floored it all the way back up. He was up he was no match for the furry under this hood.

    I quickly realized at this point I wasn’t dealing with any ordinary Jeep. This thing was forged from a single block of all American Tungsten Steel. Real sturdy! From that day forward my life has never been the same.

    So if you are looking for a rice burning hatch back, a solar powered liberal mobile, or even a Hyundai crossover keep on looking my friend this thing is a piece of red white and blue Americana Machinery.

    This baby’s pulse is pumping 4 liters of uncensored raw fuel through her straight six nuclear power plant. And rest assured this is no metro feminine automatic…you command her to obey, with your calloused hand planted firmly on the t bar Hurst shifter. And she will obey, the first time, every time. If you can’t handle your stick shifter, or reach the clutch pedal, you better not ferry skip over here wanting to test drive her. If you stall her out, you can count on getting hit in the face with a piece of re-bar and sent back to Chapel Hill where you came from.

    If you’re a man who needs such worldly things as air conditioning, Move on, you do not possess the Jedi Force. Read no further. If you want to blow the sweat off your brow, you do the old fashioned way: doors off, top down. “What if it rains?”…You winey *****! I told you to stop reading… Any man who drives this beast doesn’t give a **** about rain. Not even skin melting acid rain, Cause he’s already dripping wet in blood, sweat, dip spit, and fish guts.

    If you are looking for the kind of jeep that has to be pansy parked in the garage, so the “carpet doesn’t get wet and soggy” Then you should plant your Obama sticker on some Japanese piece of ****. Cause this thing has drain holes in the floor to let the blood drain out from buffalo you just killed, with your bare hands. Because you are William Wallace from Braveheart and when you get home you can leave your “sissy sponge glove car wash kit” in the pink bucket it came in. Go ahead and spark up your 6000 psi heated pressure washer on the dually trailer in your man cave, cause you are Tim Gillespie and you can pressure wash your truck on the inside. She’s got vinyl saddles with a full roll cage in case that buffalo comes back to life while you’re doing 80 over some mountain pass or flooded river.

    If you’re thinking about Mexican chrome bumpers for her, think again. The bumper bashers come hand forged in a blacksmith shop in Franklin County over a wood burnin fire, out of 4 inch well casing, and railroad tracks and then I welded em to the damn chassis. That way if you get deployed you can piggy back this war wagon on a deuce and a half and chain her down tight from the four corners, so you don’t lose her when your convoy gets hit by a talibani roadside suicide bomber.

    And forget about putting one of those “It’s a Jeep Thing…You wouldn’t understand” stickers on this machine cause when you’re spotted in this American Classic there will be no questions, no further explanation required, people will understand and get out of your way…..real quick.

    If you think you’re ready to park this panty hauler on your tract of land. If you buy this jeep you better go get your old lady ready for some damn changes around your lair, cause this **** will be happening. Happening.

    1. More chest hair.
    2. You’re growing a beard.
    3. Meat Only Diet.
    4. T-Rex for a pet.
    5. You’re taking a job at the lumber mill.
    6. Your car carries five kegs.
    7. Penis enlargement.
    8. Catch more fish.
    9. Wire bristled toothbrush.
    10. Sex in the yard.
    11. Sex in the garage.
    12. All male offspring.
    13. Chiseled jaw line.
    14. Not giving a damn.
    15. Flesh turning to steel.
    16. Higher salary
    17. Promotions.
    18. Better looking wives.
    19. Better looking mistresses.
    20. More golfing
    21. More killing stuff.
    22. More dead animals in the KITCHEN freezer.
    23. More tools in your garage.
    24. Bigger TV
    25. Wife takes out the trash
    26. Four Wheel Drive
    27. Wife brings trash can in from road.
    28. Wife stops *****ing about clothes on floor.
    29. Wife stocks fridge with beer.
    30. Chuck Norris.
    31. John McCain
    32. Steaks for dinner.
    33. Winning the Lottery.
    34. *****es on the side.
    35. Wrestling with bears.
    36. Building **** out of stone.
    37. Riding Lawn Mower.
    38. Bon Fires in cul-de-sac.
    39. Bar Fights.
    40. Wife picks you up from Thee Gentlemen’s Club.
    41. Craftsman Tools.
    42. Jay Bisset.
    43. Welding stuff.
    44. Digging holes.
    45. Huge Piece of meat.

    Put your GPS back in your purse cause this thing has compass bolted to the dash.

    Sounds good doesn’t it?

    This jeep has carried me through 117,000 miles of battlefield twice as gruesome as the second half of the movie “300”….And just like a trusty steed this juggernaut has never left me stranded. If you think you’ve worn her out you drag this ***** back to me in any condition. And Ill handle the rest.

    But if you think you’re going to get to whip this mule you better pony up Fifty Five Hundred Dollars…American Cash. I’m not selling you this car unless you are clearly a pure blooded American Species, so don’t even think about it.

    Americans Only.
    No Checks.
    No Euros
    No Northerners.
    No Red Hair.
    No Low-Ballers.
    No one from Chapel Hill.

    Soak it up. This thing is worth more than semi loaded down with Gold Bullion."


    • Location: Wilmington
    • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

  2. #2
    JUST GUN IT!!!!
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    Default

    im sold
    If your not cheating your not trying and if you get caught your not trying hard enough

    www.thehighroad.org
    www.jeepriver.com
    www.jeepforum.com
    www.wranglerforum.com
    http://www.stu-offroad.com/
    http://www.jeep-tech-tips.com/

    /l ,[____],
    l---L -OlllllllO-
    ()_)-()_)-o-)_)

  3. #3
    Senior Member HillBillE's Avatar
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    Hmmmm $5500 bucks? Not bad. To bad I'm to manly for it


    As long as the people remain armed,
    government knows that it cannot rule over the people by force.
    Those who stand in defiance of unconstitutional laws
    do so out of duty, honor, oath and love of country.


    "Certified Jeep Junky!"


  4. #4
    If you spot me, I'll do it! socalkenny's Avatar
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    That has to be the best pitch I've ever seen. I love it.
    A proud member of the best "Most F'd Up Club" in SoCal: http://www.4x4corps.com/

  5. #5
    Devil Doc Navydoc8778's Avatar
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    Default

    That made me even more proud to be an American Jeep driver!

  6. #6
    Mountain Valley Customs
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    Holy crap! I thought I had met die-hard Jeepers before but this guy takes the prize! Awesome salesmanship!
    Mountain Valley Customs www.mvcustoms.com 570.217.7284
    Specializing in 4x4s and custom fabrication


  7. #7
    Winning! friskeljr's Avatar
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    Awsome!
    Guns dont kill people..... gaping holes in vital organs kill people...

    The real test comes when all strength has fled and man must produce victory on will alone.

    Chevreep

  8. #8
    Zombie Slayer MetViper's Avatar
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    I'll take two!
    Prepared for the Zombies

    91 XJ, 4.5" RC Long Arm Suspension, 35" BFG KM's on black steelies, Ford 8.8 rear, D30 w/Aussie, AA SYE, Custom bumpers, JCR Rock Sliders, Rusty's gas tank skid


  9. #9
    Newbie Bud's Avatar
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    Default I found the ad!!!

    1997 Jeep Wrangler Hellcat - $5500 (Wilmington)

    Way Cool! I wish I could write like that
    Bud

    “An armed society is a polite society.
    Manners are good when one may have to back up his acts with his life.”
    - Robert A. Heinlein

  10. #10
    Junior Member Redleg's Avatar
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    Sweet, but then again, I'm a Northerner, so I guess I'm S.O.L.
    "I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!"
    Dr Seuss

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